Explaining past bereavements to a person with dementia
A person with dementia may forget about a past bereavement. This can be due to memory loss, confusion or time-shifting, which is when a person believes that they are living in an earlier time in their life.
They may think that people who have died are still alive and ask you where they are. Telling the person may shock and upset them, as for some people it will feel like the first time they have heard the news.
As they are likely to have short-term memory problems, they could experience the shock of grief repeatedly if they continue to be told every time they ask. Explaining that the death happened a long time ago may add to their confusion.
Think about whether it is in the person’s best interests to continue to be told this news. If you do choose to tell the person more than once, try to give them the news in a sensitive and compassionate way, offering warmth and support. It is important to gauge how they respond and make a decision about what is in their best interests.
If the person is in the later stages of dementia and remembers a bereavement they’ve had in the past, they may not be able to communicate this. Instead it may show in their mood or behaviour – for example, they may be crying a lot more or be more agitated.
This can explain changes in their mood or behaviour that don’t otherwise seem to have an obvious cause. For example, if the person has had periods of isolation due to coronavirus restrictions, this might have brought up difficult feelings and memories of past bereavements.
