They say not all friendships are meant to be lifelong events; some friends come into your life for a reason, others for a season. The reality, however, of a failed or failing friendship can be quite unpleasant, and goodbyes are never easy.
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Movies have delved into the intricacies of friendship for as long as they’ve been around. Solid friendships bolster mental health. Good friends are a source of joy and an antidote to loneliness. Even the loss of a friend can lead to self-discovery, motivation, or empowerment. These lessons, as valuable as they may be, aren’t without heartache, as these next movies can attest.
'Mystic River' (2003)
Three childhood friends survive a traumatic situation that ultimately drives them apart. All grown up but still living in the same area, the three are once again thrown together when another tragedy strikes. Jimmy (Sean Penn) is an ex-con whose daughter Katie is found dead. Sean (Kevin Bacon) is the homicide detective investigating and Dave (Tim Robbins) is the main suspect.
Grief can either bring people together or it can pull them apart. Children often don’t have the mental capacity to process or cope with major trauma, and it’s no wonder these three drifted apart. Instead of leaning on each other, these kids distance themselves from the people who were living reminders of the one thing they’d rather forget. Like any relationship, not all friendships are made to go the distance. This one was doomed early on by tragedy.
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'Jawbreaker' (1999)
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Three of the most popular girls at Reagan High (Rose McGowan, Rebecca Gayheart, Julie Benz) accidentally kill the prom queen when a friendly kidnapping goes wrong. The weird girl next door (Judy Greer) witnesses the girls trying to cover up their crime and demands they make her popular in exchange for her silence.
Superficial friendships are often fickle. Once this popular clique adopts someone on false pretenses, their bond disintegrates under shared guilt and lies. Not to mention, any one friend group can any only support so many mean girls. Their cruelty proves an uneasy truth about some friendships: easy come, easy go.
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'How To Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World' (2019)
Hiccup and his dragon Toothless, having grown up over a series of movies, now serve as chief of a peaceful village. But the sudden discovery of a beautiful dragon means Toothless isn’t the only Night Fury after all, but to keep them safe, they’ll have to find a secret, hidden dragon utopia where they can live happily every after. Sadly, happily ever after will mean Hiccup must say goodbye to his best friend Toothless.
There wasn’t a dry eye in the theater when Hiccup and Toothless bid each other goodbye. It wasn’t just the severance of a bond fans had grown to love over the course of several movies, it was that their friendship was deemed incompatible since humans could not be trusted to live peacefully alongside dragons. Viewers, being human, knew themselves to be unworthy.
'Stand By Me' (1986)
Starring Wil Wheaton, River Phoenix, Corey Feldman, and Jerry O’Connell as 12-year-old boys, Stand By Me is about a group of childhood friends who learn a lot about themselves and friendship as they journey toward the alleged location of the body a missing local boy.
Thanks to Richard Dreyfuss’ narration, the audience knows that upon their return, the boys drift apart. Stand By Me is about the loss of innocence. Even at the age of twelve, these kids are already grappling with who they are versus who they want to be versus who they’ll become. What starts out as an adventure, perhaps even a hero’s journey, quickly becomes the first steps toward adulthood. Nothing will ever be quite the same.
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'Ingrid Goes West' (2017)
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Ingrid (Aubrey Plaza) is serious about her social media, and not above stalking her favorite influencers. Taylor (Elizabeth Olsen) is Instagram-famous for her carefully curated boho-chic style and lands on Ingrid’s radar, who moves to LA to pursue a friendship. The friendship fizzles, however, when Taylor learns of Ingrid’s obsession, and the lies she’d told to cover it up.
Ingrid Goes West tackles the false illusion of friendship that sharing on social media can create. Ingrid’s manipulation can quickly forge a bond using information cultivated from Taylor’s Instagram to seem like the perfect bestie. But the veneer of friendship is destined to wear off when there isn’t anything real to back it up. Ingrid mistakes ‘likes’ for real affection and followers for friends.
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'The Iron Giant' (1999)
A giant alien robot crash-lands on Earth where he is quickly befriended by a nine-year-old boy named Hogarth. Hogarth hides him in a barn, providing stacks of comic books to keep him entertained while he quietly goes about repairing himself. A government agent, however, is on to them, and vows to stop the alien, whatever the cost. When the cost turns out to an entire town, the Giant, inspired by Superman, knows what he must do.
Hogarth is a lonely little boy who immediately sees the best in a giant alien robot and encourages him to choose who he wants to be. The audience roots for their friendship, but the clever 1950s setting is the perfect place for fear and prejudice to percolate, and the Giant isn’t safe – not to mention, a 50-foot secret is hard to keep. Fear-mongering dooms their friendship, but it is ultimately the Giant’s sacrifice that forces them to say goodbye.
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'E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial' (1982)
A sweet little alien is stranded on Earth, alone and afraid, until ten-year-old Elliot adopts him. He and his siblings vow to keep their alien friend secret but when E.T.’s health falters, endangering Elliot’s at the same time, the government steps in and intervenes. To save his friend’s life and his own, Elliot will have to say goodbye and send him home.
Little boys are notoriously bad at weathering long-distance friendships, so when it becomes evident that E.T. must go home, the fate of their friendship is sealed. Their goodbye is reluctant and heart-wrenching, but their short friendship served as a bridge during a particularly difficult time during Elliot’s life, and he’ll carry the memories with him always.
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'Ghost World' (2001)
Enid (Thora Birch) and Rebecca (Scarlett Johansson) are best friends and each other’s lifeboats as devious teen girls growing up in a too-small town. Their only post-graduation plan is to move in together, but the summer after high school has different things in store for them. As the two inevitably drift apart, Enid befriends social outcast Seymour (Steve Buscemi) as she navigates her changing world and finds her role within in it.
Enid is a true rebel with a razor-sharp tongue. Rebecca merely dabbles in being offbeat, perhaps out of insecurity. They’ve survived high school together but growing up often means growing apart.
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'Inside Out' (2015)
When tween Riley’s life is uprooted, her emotions are in complete upheaval. As Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger, and Disgust muster a response and journey through young Riley’s memory banks, they discover an old friend, Bing Bong, who is visibly despondent.
Bing Bong was Riley’s childhood best friend, who also happened to be imaginary. Riley is eleven now, too old to play with her former best friend or their song-powered rocket. Unnecessary, Bing Bong’s place is in the memory dump, where he’ll be erased. Time has doomed their friendship, but Bing Bong has played a pivotal role in Riley’s development and even now, he'll do anything for her. Tears guaranteed.
'Good Will Hunting' (1997)
Will Hunting (Matt Damon), a janitor at M.I.T., has a gift for mathematics that rivals any student’s, but he’ll need help from a psychologist (Robin Williams) before he has the confidence to pursue it. Reluctant to admit he needs help and prone to self-sabotage, his girlfriend (Minnie Driver) and best friend (Ben Affleck) believe in him when he can’t believe in himself and help push him toward healthier choices.
Will’s defense mechanisms and talent for rejecting everything in anticipation of failure are hard to breach. Even with some brilliant insights from the good doctor, it’s Will’s best friend Chuckie, loyal and supportive to the core, whose brutal honesty finally defeats Will’s demons while also dooming their friendship. He asserts that it would be an insult for Will to waste his potential by joining him as a laborer. Chuckie confesses his wish that one morning he knocks on Will’s door to pick him up for work and find that he has left without saying goodbye. When the film ends on this scene, Chuckie’s smirk says it all: the pain of having lost his friend, and the pride in knowing that Will is finally chasing a better life.
